September 2011
1 post
Creature (2011)
Creature is a tiny little indie horror movie distributed without studio backing that made history. Not the good kind of history, mind you. Released on 1500 screens with little in the way of advertising, the film raked in a measly $331,000 on its opening weekend. That works out to $220 per screen and less than six viewers per showing. This puts Creature in the top ten worst opening weekends ever...
August 2011
2 posts
Rambo (2008)
Sylvester Stallone must have been in a bad mood. The Rambo films have never been particularly cheery, but none of the first three were as bleak and despairing as this fourth entry in the franchise, where the main theme seems to be the meaninglessness of life and the finality of death. I’ll put it to you this way: if Ingmar Bergman or Woody Allen made an action film this would be the result.
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Snow Flower and the Secret Fan (2011)
The tagline of this blog is “I want to Like Movies. Really, I do”. This holds true for Snow Flower and the Secret Fan, a film that I wanted to like, but which would not allow me to do so. For everything I liked about the film, the filmmakers had to bungle up the delivery on those elements. However reluctantly, I had to accept that I hated this movie at every turn.
Snow Flower began...
September 2010
1 post
Baby Monitor: Sound of Fear (1998)
Baby Monitor: Sound of Fear
Baby Monitor: Sound of Fear
BABY MONITOR: SOUND OF FEAR
This HAS to be awesome, right? Any movie with a title like that is promising to be the biggest, tastiest slice of cinematic cheese I’ve stumbled upon in ages. Images of a woman clutching a baby monitor and gasping in fear as some ominous voice comes over the speaker, a killer who’s modus operandi is...
August 2010
1 post
Vampires Suck (2010)
The fine art of parody is dead, and Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer are it’s killers. Like some horrible bizarro world version of Michael Powell and Emeric Pressburger, these two men have forged a fruitful filmmaking partnership that churns out movie after movie year after year, only whereas Powell and Pressburger were masters of cinema who produced nothing but silver screen classics,...
July 2010
3 posts
Years of the Beast (1981)
The Rapture is one of the more fascinating aspects of Christian theology. All the truly faithful vanish into thin air and are taken to Heaven, the non-believers are left on Earth to suffer through seven years of tribulation while the Devil rules the globe, and then Jesus finally returns to reign supreme…it’s the stuff of epic fantasy. You could make a pretty damn impressive movie out...
4 tags
MAGMA: Earth's Molten Core (2005)
Marital discord. Single parenthood. Alcoholism. Runaway children. American Indian mythology. Political maneuvering. Naval mutiny intrigue. You’re probably thinking that these do not sound like the plot points of a movie with the title MAGMA: Earth’s Molten Core. That’s only because you haven’t seen MAGMA: Earth’s Molten Core. Most people haven’t seen it, in...
Predators (2010)
The original Predator is remembered by many as a true action classic. It’s simple but engaging story of a group of mercenaries sent into the jungle under false pretenses and then abandoned to die at the hands of an unseen and seemingly unstoppable alien hunter was enough to hook audiences and make for a massively entertaining film that continues to be popular twenty-three years on. It...